The Deal That Got Too Personal

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As a homeowner (or buyer) under contract with other people, you need to know when things have gotten too personal and are threatening your deal. 

Here is a secret...
Your Realtor wants to be able to fix any and all conflicts that arise for you, but this is one thing they can not fix on your behalf.

When things get personal:

The rules of competition turn grey when a negotiation gets personal.
Competition works best when all people involved are competing to deliver a fair deal.
When things begin to feel unfair to one or both parties, people take the unfairness personal.

Competition can be perceived as spite rather than a fair when ultimatums are felt.
When a competition begins to feel like a fight, it is a fight.
Most likely it is a pride fight because of the blatant unfairness presented by one party to the other.
The unfairness is of course a matter of perspective but that is usually all that is needed for it to be a reality for those involved.

Pride fights go as follows for most of us:
Me... Not you.
It is mine... You can not have it.
I don't care... It is now the principal.

Cooperation is a fundamental component to productivity.
When pride enters the situation you can bet that logic and any shot of a fairness have left the building. 
Unfortunately, this can also mean that you end up losing out on a fantastic deal because of emotion.
As people, when we take a step back and breathe we realize when emotion has clouded our judgement temporarily.

The Fix: 

Be open to talking to the other party involved and not just your Realtor.
Listen to the other party.
Prove you have listened by repeating what you heard the other say and how you interpreted what you heard.
Use the word "cooperate".
Say that you want to cooperate with the other person and if you truly can't cooperate with their demands because it will mean you lose...
Say that.

Your Realtor will have a hard time giving you the above advice.
Not because it is not 100% what you need to hear, but because they want to fix things for you.
Take ownership of your future home before you own it by keeping your cool. 
You deserve the best deal, give yourself the best shot at getting it by talking things out when needed.
Then let your Realtor step back up to the plate for you and get the deal closed.  

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